Friday, August 15, 2008

Ode to Venger

Allow me, if you will, a moment to become lost in the fond memories of my youth and pay humble tribute to a favorite villain of mine. If you, like me, were a child of the '80's... feasting on the veritable smorgasbord of truly kick ass cartoons available (G.I. Joe, Transformers, He-Man, Super Friends, The Real Ghostbusters, Muppet Babies--Yeah, I said it! It rocked!--Voltron, Thundercats, M.A.S.K., Silverhawks...the list is endless), then you might remember a little show called Dungeons & Dragons. It was condemned by critics as being too violent and protested by Christian fanatics as being "demonic!"... which means it kicked ass! Now, without further ado...

Venger, o Venger... how I truly miss thee, and yet, how I feared thee as a child.
Not so much for the evil acts you committed, but due to that big, friggin' horn coming out of the side of your head.
Somehow an asymmetrical horn makes you far more intimidating than Tim Curry's Lord of Darkness in Legend.
(2 horns = predictable, 1 horn = loose cannon)

Venger, o Venger... your light gray skin and eyeliner make you the very first "goth."
With your glowing red eyes, vampire-ish fangs and tiny, almost nonexistent (dare I say Michael Jackson-esque?) nose.
And how your strange headpiece always freaked me out...
Does your head actually extend all the way to the back (i.e., Alien-style), or is it just like a long hat?

Venger, o Venger... with your little red armor and your little black, um, shawl...
No one would ever make fun of that gray pleated skirt (due, primarily, to the aforementioned horn).

You would wrap those great leathery wings about you like a warm (albeit slimy) coat...
And you always managed to fly without flapping them, supporting not only your own weight, but your horse's as well!

Venger, o Venger... speaking of horses, you had the best steed in the whole world...
Way cooler than that "Equort" Ookla the Mok rode in Thundarr the Barbarian.
The Nazg├╗l only wished they had a horse that cool!
But I still can't figure out how you managed to keep that horse aloft by gliding with your bat wings.

Venger, o Venger... all you ever wanted was those li'l bastards' weapons.
How I would secretly root for you when it involved the maiming/death of that annoying Uni ("Maaah! Maaah!!!")
And you get extra cool points for having the same voice as Optimus Prime.
Everyone thought you simply wanted to defeat Tiamat, but, alas, you just wanted a big 'ol hug from Dungeonmaster.


1 comment:

Yusuke Sato said...

gasp!
am i seeing what i'm seeing!?
another post and a colored work from aaron! lol